Jay Shetty and Wife Radhi Devlukia-Shetty Share Their Core Relationship Values
Following the announcement that Jay Shetty is to join Match as its Relationship Advisor, the bestselling author and podcast host has joined his wife Radhi Devlukia-Shetty to share the core values in their own relationship.
Jay and Match have joined forces to create new product features and content themed around values and the important part they play in relationships. Speaking about their own, Jay said: “Our top three core values are respect, optimism, and kindness. However, even if you and your partner don’t have the same values, it is about learning to respect the other person’s values. For example, family is really important to Radhi, and growth is really important to me, so we work really hard to make sure we both get time, energy and space to honour those values individually. I know that her values make her the person I love, and my values make me the person she loves, so prioritizing that for each other is important.”
Reflecting on his own past dating experiences, Jay says that in the past he had actively tried to avoid letting deal breakers dictate outcomes in his relationships. “I think deal breakers make us look at someone through just one lens. People are multi-faceted, multi-layered, and multi-dimensional, and your deal breaker may block you from finding your person,” explained the ‘8 Rules of Love’ author.
Jay and wife Radhi met at an ashram in 2013 and one of their first dates was an obstacle course. While the date idea may be one of the more unique, he explains that there was thought behind opting for something that would put the pair in a challenging situation early on: “Any activity that puts you both out of your comfort zone is a great first date idea. You both drop your guard, and you get to see the real person and share your authentic self. Mini golf, a cooking class or an escape room are great options to truly get to know someone more intimately, and more quickly. These activities also require you to be more present and help you understand someone’s mindset around respect, control, and kindness. You get to see their values in action,” says Jay.
One of the key elements of Jay’s work with Match encourages people to lead with their values and be themselves, something which played a huge role in the principles of dating he applied when he met Radhi: “I think the key was being honest about who I was and what was important to me, even if I was worried about her reaction. It stopped me from transforming myself into the exact person she wanted and forcing her to do the same. Instead, we learned how to understand each other more deeply. So often, we try to impress someone by changing who we are into who they want rather than being our true selves. A date turns into an interview, and we choose to answer “perfectly” rather than authentically. Leading with honesty from the start means everyone knows what they’re getting themselves into, and you set yourself and the other person up for success.”
Befitting of his role as Relationship Advisor with Match, Jay shared his own advice for someone at the very beginning of the dating journey, or getting back out there after a long-term relationship, saying: “Instead of thinking, “Do they like me?” make sure you ask yourself “what do I like about them?” So often, our insecurities about ourselves make us focus on the wrong thing and take us out of being present, listening, and trusting our intuition.” When it comes to those who have been looking for love for a longer period of time, he encourages being more open-minded when it comes to potential partners: “Say yes more often. Be more open. It might surprise you how many people have found love in unexpected places and have chosen to be with someone they initially may have turned down.”
