New research from Psychology Today has highlighted “the harsh reality” that men face when dating online. The analysis found that many men must become “emotionally attuned to themselves” if they want to find dating success.
Understanding the context
In a new article from couples and family psychologist Greg Matos, he highlights that men face difficulties on dating apps.
He explains that dating apps have become speed-dating-esque, with users spending short amounts of time analysing potential matches. As a result of this, he highlights that physical attractiveness has become the most significant criteria.
Since attractiveness is considered before other factors such as income, intelligence, or warmth, the “bottom line is that dating apps don’t appear to have given a leg up to those perceived as less physically attractive”, he summarises.
What the data tells us
So how does this affect men? Well Matos brings up the findings released by Hinge Engineer Aviv Goldgeier in 2017. These statistics show that 50% of women’s likes went to just 15% of men on the dating platform.
In comparison, 50% of men’s likes on the app went to 25% of women on the app at that time, Goldgeier shared.
This means that if physical attractiveness remains a key factor, then the majority of men, who are not perceived as very attractive, will face limited chances for matches.
So, what now?
To address this, Matos believes that the “biggest opportunity for the greatest number of men is to first illustrate their personality, warmth, and wit on their profile by responding to prompts or drafting charming ‘about me’ sections”, he wrote.
If men are able to establish an emotional connection with a match quickly, then a phone or first date is on the cards. This gives men a chance to stand out amongst the other matches that their date may be speaking to.
Matos’ three tips for men in light of this is:
- Choose good photos with good lighting, including some activity shows. This will help make a good first impression for the crucial criteria of physical attractiveness.
- Write an engaging and authentic caption or bio that will be attention-grabbing.
- Start a conversation within 24 hours of matching, and be responsive if the match replies.
Looking ahead, Matos highlights the importance of emotional attunement fo rmen. “Dating seems to be getting harder for a growing number of men who may be chronically and involuntarily single and sexless”, he explained.
To address this issue, he shares that over the next few years “we will need to support young men to first become emotionally attuned to themselves and then to become effective communicators and connectors”.
“The dating success of a large number of men will require it”, he concludes.