Survey: Queer Men Prioritize Intentional Dating Over Hookups

New research suggests that gay and queer men are increasingly moving away from casual dating norms and placing greater value on clarity, emotional connection, and long-term compatibility. A survey of 1,000 gay and queer men in the U.S., conducted by Talker Research on behalf of dating app ARCHER, found that most respondents can quickly assess a potential partner’s intentions – often within the first hour of meeting.

On average, participants said it takes about 43 minutes to determine whether someone is seeking a hookup or a serious relationship, with more than a quarter saying they can make that judgment in under 20 minutes. When expectations don’t align, respondents were more likely to try to address the issue directly rather than end the interaction outright, indicating a preference for communication over disengagement.

The findings point to a broader shift in dating priorities. Nearly half of those surveyed said their relationship goals have changed in the past year, with many now focusing on long-term alignment and being more transparent about what they want. Serious relationships are now favored at more than twice the rate of hookups, and more than three-quarters of respondents believe gay and queer dating culture places too much emphasis on casual sex.

Cultural perceptions appear to be part of that tension. “For too long, gay and queer men have been defined by stereotypes instead of by our full, complex selves,” said Michael Kaye, Head of Brand Marketing & Communications at ARCHER. “What the data shows is what many in our community have felt for years, and we’re in the middle of redefining what queer dating looks like. There’s a real desire for authenticity, connection, and intentionality. We’re seeing a shift away from the old norms and into something deeper.”